022Circumstances
it deserves to be written. even if its more fragmented than it would have been.
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anticipation, like I haven't felt for... 6 months, I suppose.
there's a specific type of excitement you get from sharing a motorcycle with someone, a mutually vicarious joy that I've never encountered anywhere else.
sometimes friendships are built on circumstances and those very specific moments of joy, and thats not a bad thing.
for the first time in 6 months you wrapped your arms around my waist in that specific way, and a part of me that's been slowly stirring these last couple weeks fluttered back into life.
i don't know if you know the feeling. I sorta hope you do, only because its a fucking nice feeling. even if you don't, we'll keep going on motorcycle rides. i'll keep this part of me safe.
a piece of home rebuilt. one more person I'd walk to the ends of the earth for.
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i told someone recently that, "being held by you makes me feel like I'm home, in a way it doesn't with anyone else."
a couple days ago she sent me a message.
"lets see how far home can extend. as far as i can project it."
she meant something specific by it, and i thought the wording was odd and lovely besides. for a moment i let myself curl up into a ball, and i closed my eyes, and i was safe. held.
tonight i hugged you, and as we stood there you whispered, "thank you."
i dont know exactly what you were thanking me for. it could have been a dozen different things.
what matters to me most is that you felt grateful enough to say it. it feels nice, to be grateful. so i'm glad that I could do something, be something that you felt grateful for. especially right now.
a piece of family found. one more person i'll fight any battle for.
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today someone told me,
at first i was pretty torn up bc i met someone so wonderful while so heavily Going Thru it, but i think meeting you rn... is one of the best things that cldve happened
first of all, i'm gonna take a moment aside from the prose to say,
AJSKDHSJDHDGSKSDHSHFHSJDH
ahem. thank you.
nobody is destined to meet anyone else, I think. stuff just happens, and sometimes it happens in the right way for circumstances to line up, and you find yourself linked to someone who's suddenly so important to you.
tonight I told my girlfriend,
"i knew from everything that happened last week that i liked her, and it was nice, and that would have been enough... but it was after we spent half a day just talking that i sorta turned to myself and thought, 'yeah, okay. this is someone i could build a relationship with.'"
there's a lot of important things that start with an incredibly strong feeling, the sort that feels like it'll last forever.
but they're flames. bright, imposing, awe-inspiring... and utterly doomed to burn out, unless you commit to finding the fuel to keep them burning. reasons to keep trying when shit gets hard. something more substantial than a feeling to base them on.
feeling has to become belief. if you don't believe in each other, what the fuck are you doing?
im not gonna get ahead of myself here. it's a choice everyone has to make in their own time.
for now, this feels nice. thats more than enough, until you decide otherwise.
a new piece of myself to discover. one more person worth the risk of getting hurt along the way.
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there was more parables to include here originally, but its getting late and im getting foggy. i keep almost falling asleep.
i'm comfortable. i love my friends.
i feel loved by my friends.
a couple of you might remember what I mean by that. you're all so important to me.
love from,
very sleepy puppy 💚💜💛