112 - probably not who you think
it feels really strange to still be in love with someone, so long after they've lost interest in you.
the feeling is... embarassing, a little dirty somehow. even in the privacy of your own heart, it feels like a sin.
shouldn't you have gotten over this by now? didn't you promise a thousand times to expunge it, stop thinking about them, not to let yourself daydream and wonder what could have been?
and yet.
i must have changed in a hundred little ways since then, and a dozen more meaningful ones. i've gone through friends, hobbies, houses, names and favourite colours. i've felt milder loves and gotten over smaller heartbreaks. i've watched all the delicate machinery of my personality spinning away, forever turning over and over into new patterns and appearances.
but some things you can't kill. love always stays. through it all, hope always stays. they're the same thing, i think.
and despite all evidence to the contrary, i still believe in soulmates. in my own twisted way.
i think that if this thing were to change - my capacity for love, the stubborn and stupid endurance of my heart - i would finally be a different person. and i would have lost something very important.
i think i will love you forever, now.
wherever you go from here, i hope the world treats you kindly.
xx