113
i'm tired of losing people again and again
am i too much? am i too little? am i exactly the right amount of precisely the wrong thing?
i would tear this out of me if i knew how, and damn the consequences. i would be someone else
but i have to hope. i am tired and i am tired and i am tired but i have to keep moving. what do i have if not hope? what am i, if not hopeful?
i will forever be 6 years old, knowing in my heart for the first time that this world is going to be too big for me
i will forever be 16 years old, knowing for the first time that love is not as trustworthy as i thought and sometimes it just doesnt work
i am tired and i wish i could be anything else instead
if i knew how to let go
i think i would never have bothered falling in love in the first place
grief and love have intertwined themselves so tightly in my heart that i know longer know how to experience someone's presence without premptively mourning their absence
i will try harder. it might not be enough
but i will hope
one way or another, the hope has to go somewhere
this time, i hope to do better
xx