124 - ache
take your meds. no- not those ones. those ones just make you crazy. and those ones make you tired. and those ones-
okay, take some of your meds. the ones that dont make things worse.
go see your friends. no- not those ones. they're busy. and they're not answering. and they're-
okay, but be grateful that you saw them not long ago. stay calm. one more evening isolated isn't that bad, right?
a bunch of funny little warnings flash in your peripheral vision. "days since last spiral", something about a sanity meter, a little counter next to a box of cigarettes.
thats stupid. none of this is a game. take it seriously.
take some deep breaths. ignore the ache in your chest. its just the cigarette smoke. thats a known symptom, its got nothing to do with the rest of it.
go and lay down. close your eyes. sleep will come soon, i promise.
just as soon as you've relived one stupid thing you said, and rehearsed two conversations in advance so it doesnt happen again, and daydreamed about three things that were never going to happen, and missed four people, and most importantly 5 times fantasised about your own-
see? i told you sleep would be here soon. wasn't that so easy?
okay, wake up now. drag your carcass out of the bed. we need that for things today. you have work to do. you have washing to do. you have a guitar to play. you have food to eat. you have-
-hey. HEY. you need to get up now. are you still listening to me?
whats the matter with you? everything is going right. didnt you get everything you wanted this week? didn't you take your meds, and you saw your friends, and you took deep breaths, and you went to sleep on time?
you should be happier now. why are you still acting so sad?