Entry 1: straightforward.
hey there.
i'm not really sure how to structure this.
i mean... its not like writing a letter to someone else, is it? i thought it would be, but
you're here too, as i'm writing it. arguably you know the words before i type them.
so i could try and make it a conversation, i suppose. something like that started to happen in my head last night, after the last entry and as i was falling asleep. it feels... less straightforward when i'm fully awake though.
oh well. lets see what happens.
it's been an odd day, hasn't it? we've been feeling a bit weird all weekend.
lonely, mostly. but not sure why.
or at least, i'm not sure why. i'm sure you'd have a bunch of suggestions, if i stopped to listen.
yeah.
we talked to them about it today. surprisingly, the answers were... reassuring.
we're not as powerless as I thought, maybe.
it was nice, to just talk.
then they had to leave though, and we spent the rest of the day a bit aimless.
we listened to some things that made us laugh, and played games a little, and tried some new music.
for you, that's enough. and i'm glad for that. i think you enjoyed the part where we tried to play guitar for a while.
i'm... restless. the world feels very big. there's a lot thats overwhelming me at the moment.
this isn't working very well. i'm thinking too much about making it comprehensible.
okay.
it's an odd relationship we have, isn't it?
sometimes my job is to comfort you. i dunno how good i am at that, but i try.
but sometimes you're the one showing me how to be comfortable. the role model. how we should have been all along.
i worry thats a lot of pressure on you, sometimes. not really how this whole reparenting thing is meant to work.
but im not really your parent. i think you're a lot wiser than me, honestly. and a lot more straightforward.
you know exactly why we've been lonely. it's like they said today - the thing that was making connection easy has moved on, and now we're fumbling to keep up the momentum. everything feels distant by comparison, and we were already so exhausted and nauseous.
thats true about a couple situations, actually.
so what do you reckon we should do?
i know. if it was up to you, we'd just be straightforward. say what we want. ask for it. stop overthinking and second-guessing. trust everyone else to do the same, and that they'll tell us if we're doing something bad.
i'm not sure everyone else is as straightforward as that either, though. but maybe im just overthinking again.
i wish i could believe it were that simple.
maybe i should just believe.
... i think its about dinnertime now. lets go upstairs and see what there is to eat, yeah?
i love you, little one. talk to you tomorrow.
💚