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15 Apr, 2025

Don't think I have a lot to say tonight, so im mostly just here on principle. One day I aspire to produce notable topics as consistently as a couple of other creatures I know. I suppose it's all practice.

I was going to write something last night - some ramble on the nature and mechanics of integers and floating point numbers as they apply to programming, and some secondary ramble on that as a metaphor for some friendship-related concept I was constructing. I got carried away instead sending an email to someone cool, and now I've entirely forgotten what the secondary ramble was going to be. Alas. Perhaps it will come back to me.

I feel a little isolated at the moment. My own struggles with the silly probably-medication-induced bad vibes have mostly receded, but it seems like the universe has decided that arc of this story is not over. Now I'm hyperaware of everyone else's struggles instead, and feeling rather guilty that I was mostly unaware of them in the midst of my own raging mental illness.

I... don't really know what else to say about that. I mean, I have 1,000 things lined up that I could say about it, but I am deliberately refraining from oversharing, centering this on myself. So that's kinda the gist; I feel a little isolated, in spite of all the people around me. The world is putting quite a lot of pressure on everyone at the moment, it seems. And I don't know what to do about it; I certainly don't seem to have the strength to counteract it in any meaningful way. So I sit and twiddle my little paws while people have a Bad Time^tm.

I'd really like to talk about something more optimistic or interesting, but I'm unsure what there is tonight.

I intended to organise a bunch of the junk in my room today, set up a few more things that are still bundled away after moving into the larger space I have now. Alas, I spent a lot of the day reading about hormonal therapy and sending an email to my doctor instead, to very mixed results and reactions. I may still try and get some of the organising done, but it feels rather late now to be banging around in cupboards and taking furniture apart.

Tomorrow I am moving in a larger bed frame, which will be a nice change, although it once again means I'll have quite a lot less floor space. Hopefully the tradeoff is worthwhile.

I think this one ends here, just so I'm not rambling on blandly about nothing. Hopefully tomorrow is better for writing. I'm thinking of setting up a page on here for sharing photography things soon.

Ninight everyone 💚