okay that was probably a little too much (squints at label) verochka for 3am

2nd Jul, 2025

I'm mostly writing this post cause i'm a bit fucking drunk and I wanna intentionally see what I produce. cause I dunno if I've drunk posted before?

huh, that's interesting. I can still touch-type, but I feel much more obliged to look at the keyboard as I do it. Kinda a fun experience, cause I don't need to, but it's nifty to watch my paws as they kinda just do their lil muscle memory thing

also yupos are funny so I may make an effort to leave thmein from here lol

*typos
*them in

anyway

I sorta started writing this in my head before I actually started. I think this is gonna bounce all over the place a lot.

I write most of my posts trying to conbvinvce myself that im not writing them for other people, but whether I'm just straight lying or not, I always sorta end up writing them to someone by the end

even this one is already like thjat. I'm just writing really, but I have this subconcious awareness that only 2-4 people are gonna read this, and I know who those 2-4 people are more or less. so it intrinsiclly affects the content, y'know? i think, even avoiding writing directly to those people is still a form of writing with an audience in mind, because "not those people" is still an intended audience of sorts.

idk. here's some thoughts.

I think it's really interesting that Final Fantassy Ecks Eye Vee has kinda the one standard battle music that plays for all standard battlkes, but it seems to shift a little depending on the region you're in? Coerthas has a LOT of unnecessary organ chords randomly mixed in there for example, which is, well, unnecessary? but tbh I like it. cliches are cliches for a reason.

it adds a nice touch to what would otherwise be an EXTREMELY audio-fatiguey track very quickly otherwise. I just turned the mysic for this game back on tonight and I think I should leave it one for a while maybe. there's only so much trcey brakes and saiorse dream I can listen to, after all

(this is a blatant lie, collar and viceheart and behave, hollow automaton all FUCK)
may go put those on while I write this actually

love the extremely trans extrelemty gen Z thing of not fucking capitalising any of your song names or even your own na,me. fuck grammar etc

so

I have this thing recently where a lot of my opinons seem to... not go down well with people
I dunno how much of this I'm imagining. the demons love to think bad things, y'know?

its easy for me to picture people talking shit behind my back

it's really hard to imagine anyone saying, "hey, hana had this kinda great take about this song the other day".

I dunno why that is. I dont like it very much. that I percieve things that way, I mean.

cause like... we don't really do that? as people? maybe we should, but

you dont go around saying "yeah X had great take". you just... kinda incorporate it into your belief system, and then share it without attribution, or even directly. it just becomes part of how you think about media, and therefore how you talk about media

I'm a bit fucked up, basically. I really like direct attributution and direct gratitude. I try and say thankyuo a lot; I wonder if it annoys people sometimes.

Anywauy, yes this album is GOOD

i donwloaded a synth program the other day. I needa find a few other things to properly assemble stuff, but I think I wanna fuck around with it and try producing a couple lil fucked up hyperpop tracks of my own, just for the... esperience, I guess? I do NOT expect them to be good, but thats really not the point

I am a thorough believer in producing bad art. sometimes its better than good art, for.... reasopns that i feel very strongly in my soul and have never quyite been able to explain. although, one of my recent previous housemates seemed to get it a little. we painted a bit together one time. I should go get in touch with her again and see if she wants to do that some more

maybe I should have moved in with her. I dunno.

despite what everyone seems to think, I'm quite optimisitic about the place I actually moved into too. I wouldn't hjave done it otherwise; I think I was pretty fuvcking clear about that

I just sometimes have trouble expressing things. I'm mauybe a lot of people, or maybe just one very conflicted one. dunno

hah

Anyway, the moral a few paragraphs back, was that

if you dont like opinions that are different from yours, you should just surround yourself with people who are exactly the same as you and never disgree with you. I am sure this will be enjoyable and fulfulling. no, really.

sorry. thats a bit petty. I get mad sometimes

I feel my opinions about things very strongly. I know its unconventional. thats the point

sorry that its also quite annoying a lot of the time :(

that sandwich was really good tonight tho lol. good work person who devised that sanwich.

...

see? and thus we have an audience.

I think this is MORE than enough of my rambling. Hope you experienced some kind of bemused enjoyment. Goodnight gamers and nerds and gays

<3 <3 <3

(oh my god. I just read all of this and it's AMAZING how you can see me getting more drunk as we progress. I'm SO sorry lmfao)